I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
