No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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