I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
