Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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