If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
