apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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