so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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