actually, I'm a sock model
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
