As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
