I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
