Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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