I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
