It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
