Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
did i just pee glitter
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
