This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
