I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize