My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
