You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
