I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You work out of a Hotel?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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