Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
