I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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