We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
