I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize