I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
