Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i think my cat just said my name.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
