her vagine was all disorganized.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
