Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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