Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
