She went from zero to smokin in five shots
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
