I've blown a few things in my day
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Couch. On fire.
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