If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
