Christians are straight up FREAKS
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
