Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
