It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize