i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
