This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
