i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
