And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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