She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize