So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm getting married
To pizza
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
