So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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