I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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