How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
