I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
