You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
As shirtless as possible
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
