smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
