oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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