I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
