my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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