my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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