yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize