Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
