who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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