I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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