I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
