I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
