I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
