Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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