There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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