Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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