She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
