no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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