i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
