I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
