i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
