I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
