I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
