i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
