i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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